i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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