the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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