Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
