I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
