I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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