Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
