I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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