Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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