She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
