is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize