his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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