did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
