Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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