I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
