Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize