oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
