The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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