he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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