Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize