Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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