Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
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An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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