oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
