You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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