remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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