Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize