At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
