i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
