But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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