she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
