i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize