i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
