A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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