I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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