So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
