Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Even my vagina gasped.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
