Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
