Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
