it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
