Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
