we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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