You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize