update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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