So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cannot find my penis.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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