Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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