i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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