I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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