This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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