Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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