I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
