I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
