Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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